Response to Mimicking to Get What you Want

I found Jonathatn Vatner's article regarding mimicry to connect interesting. His premise is that the people we  get along with, we are unconsciously mimicking and if we consciously mimic in the other parts of our lives it will create a closeness that will translate to success

I have observed in my own life copying phrases and language structure of the people that I spend a lot of time with, and want to be closely connected with

In my work situation, being in sales, I have to connect to the managers on their level. I haven't observed mimicking gestures but certain vocabulary I definitely copy. Store specific brands, departments etc, but this is also educating ourselves on how to communicate effectively to facilitate better sales. 

I agree that language mimicry happens, but I am going to observe tonight in class, if there is any mimicking of gestures and report back tonight.

Stay tuned. 

The Mirror Effect or Mimicking Others to get What you Want

Jonathan Vatner's article: in Oprah's Magazine discusses the theory that mimicking gestures can be a means to get ahead. Mr. Vatner surmises that we copy the habits and language of those we spend the most time with, and that bonds us to each other. He expands that to other relationships with co-workers, dates, bosses and difficult relationships as a way to smooth things over.

On Dates, he suggests that crossing legs or touching your face when your partner does can make you seem more attractive, quoting a 2009 study by Nicolas Gueguen, of the University of South Brittany in France.

In Business Negotiations, he cites a Northwestern University study that found that clients who copied their counterpart's gestures and mannerisms such as leaning back in their chairs and running their fingers through their hair were able to nail down a better deal.


Working in Sales or Service Positions, he quotes Robin Tanner, PhD, University of Wisconsin: "Mimicking others can make them feel more rapport with you" , and Nicolas Gueguen, also studied, that salespeople who copied facial expressions, sentences and body movements of their customers sold more and rated higher for customer service.

How Jonathan Vatner feels this can work against you:

When you are the boss: he says don't mimic your subordinates behavior unless you want them to be your friend

When you are with a difficult person, he stated that if a person dislikes you, mimicking will come off as sycophanctic ( fawning) "Mimicry is a social glue for most interactions, but it doesn't mend broken relationships, " according to Marina Kouzakova, PhD, Leiden University in the Netherlands.

Jonathan Vatner's Six Tips to Maintain the Distinction between Mimicry and Mockery

1. Allow a few seconds between the other person's movement and your own.
2. Don't mimic every action, and repeat words only occasionally.
3. Don't mimic exactly, if the other person scratches her nose, you might run you fingers through your hair.
4. Be the other person's mirror image: if she uses her left hand use your right hand.
5. Maintain natural eye contact. Don't scan the person's body for gestures. 
6. Imagine that you're speaking with a close friend. You may find that reflecting her movements and words will come naturally.

Posture and Gestures

I think I have bitten off more than I can chew with this blog. I am obligated to write 5 posts, so I think my original itinerary is a bit ambitious. Currently, I would like to talk about Posture and Gestures. How we hold ourselves in daily life, our posture, our stance, all says something about us and our relation to our surroundings, and how we communicate.

Imagine talking to someone with their arms crossed, it seems like a barrier. Fingers crossed can mean wishful thinking or telling a lie. While someone's head nodding up and down seems like agreement and head shaking from side to side seems like a negative or a "no" . In some cultures, these movements are exactly the opposite. Nodding means no, and shaking means yes,this seems an important gesture to get right.

Imagine someone leaning in towards you; "invading" your space. This can seem aggressive, but in some cultures,. this is not an invasion of space. But for a North American this can unconsciously feel like being forced to  move back, or stand ground which can be uncomfortable. Another subtle  gesture is loud sighing. Sighing when someone is giving a presentation can signify loss of attention, can be disconcerting for the speaker, but can also be meant to mean no harm. A sigh can just be a sigh. 

Winking is a gesture that can be used to catch someone's eye in a playful way, can signify a joke and can also be misunderstood and considered a sexual overture. Clapping can be showing appreciation for someone's work, but slow clapping, by teenage girls to other teenage girls is bullying. Finger snapping can be used to get someone's attention, i.e. a waiter's attention,  rudely, or in the 60's was an accompaniment to the reading of "Beat Poetry", a rhythm.

A standing ovation means appreciation and respect. The gesture of "talking to the hand' is disrespectful and stifles communication. Smiling can be encouraging, or ironic. Everything depends on the context and the environment. Understanding and education of cultural customs goes a long way.

For the hearing impaired in our church, we have been asked to rub out hands together to visually show appreciation. The hearing members find this a warm and contemplative gesture. Two hands clasped or touching over the heart can signify prayer, love or peace. A nice gesture to end with

Eye Contact

Eye Contact

I have been observing communication using eye contact at home work and socially. I feel that eye contact can signify interest, focus and aggression. It’s hard to imagine two small rounds orbs having that much influence. The old saying “the eyes are windows to the soul” shows how much importance we give eyes and the meaning their looks can convey. “Bedroom eyes, wild eyes, crazy eyes”, can tell important messages to the receiver of these looks.

At home I currently live with at husband and an adult daughter. I have observed that as a family, we look at each other in the eye briefly and check back every few seconds.  I have noticed over my daughter’s life that communication is easier if we are side-by-side driving, where we aren’t directly looking at each other. Our positions are equal and not me looking down. Direct eye contact held for more than a few seconds, can seem to be aggressive and intimidating.

My husband is quiet and eye contact is brief and sometimes difficult to maintain. He is easily distracted and tends to look away or around. I have felt in the past that he wasn’t interested by his lack of direct eye contact. I have realized over time, that he is processing what I am saying by looking away. I find it easier to communicate using the phone where I cannot see his distraction, and lack of eye contact.  I find it ironic that with a smartphone, where I can video call my family, we choose to text, or talk, where eye contact’s influence is diminished.

At work I find eye contact is influential in my position as a sales representative. Eye contact with my co-workers signifies interest, engagement and focus. Looking my dairy managers in the eye puts me on an equal footing.  Eye contact means I am listening to their problems and concerns and focused on them. One dairy manager is from India and finds it very uncomfortable to look me in the eye. He tends to look down or away. I am aware of this, and try not to look at him face on, but sideways. I try to not make him feel uncomfortable. I feel that this is a cultural gender issue and I respect his visual space.

Socially I noticed the use of eye contact in my weekly bridge game. Bridge is a competitive game with partners that are not supposed to communicate verbally, except using a bridge specific bidding language with their partners. In some high level competitions, bridge partners are separated by solid barriers, to prevent any kind of gesturing. I noticed that partners made eye contact by eye rolling, winking, eyes looking up or down. It’s a very natural and sometimes unconscious behavior, but can also be called cheating if we were a serious group.

Jennifer Meyers writes in “It’s Not What You Say , It’s How You Move” (Globe and Mail, January 14, 2011, p B13) that in business:”During conversation, try to maintain eye contact about 80% of the time, It’s okay to glance away occasionally, but if you constantly look elsewhere, others will think you are distracted or uninterested. If you’re uncomfortable looking into other people’s eyes look instead at the bridge of their nose. I think I need to pass this on to a couple of people I know.

Sandra

Introduction to my Blog: Non-Verbal Communication

For my individual class project in Business Communications COMM 12423 I have chosen to write a Blog.
I have chosen the topic Non-Verbal Communication because I feel that everything we "say" is not strictly verbal.  In fact: "About 93% of all our communication is non-verbal", according to Ric Phillips, president of 3VCommunications Ltd. (Globe&Mail,Jan14,2011)

"Most people are unaware that their body language speaks far louder that what they are saying. And there's a huge number of physical distractions that can certainly undermine or change your message" Catherine Bell, president of Prime Impressions Image Consultants, (Globe&Mail,January 14, 2011)

I will over then next few weeks discuss the following forms of Non-Verbal Communication:

• Eye Contact
• Facial Expression
• Posture and Gestures
• Time
• Space
• Territory
• Appearance of Business Documents
• Appearance of People