The Mirror Effect or Mimicking Others to get What you Want

Jonathan Vatner's article: in Oprah's Magazine discusses the theory that mimicking gestures can be a means to get ahead. Mr. Vatner surmises that we copy the habits and language of those we spend the most time with, and that bonds us to each other. He expands that to other relationships with co-workers, dates, bosses and difficult relationships as a way to smooth things over.

On Dates, he suggests that crossing legs or touching your face when your partner does can make you seem more attractive, quoting a 2009 study by Nicolas Gueguen, of the University of South Brittany in France.

In Business Negotiations, he cites a Northwestern University study that found that clients who copied their counterpart's gestures and mannerisms such as leaning back in their chairs and running their fingers through their hair were able to nail down a better deal.


Working in Sales or Service Positions, he quotes Robin Tanner, PhD, University of Wisconsin: "Mimicking others can make them feel more rapport with you" , and Nicolas Gueguen, also studied, that salespeople who copied facial expressions, sentences and body movements of their customers sold more and rated higher for customer service.

How Jonathan Vatner feels this can work against you:

When you are the boss: he says don't mimic your subordinates behavior unless you want them to be your friend

When you are with a difficult person, he stated that if a person dislikes you, mimicking will come off as sycophanctic ( fawning) "Mimicry is a social glue for most interactions, but it doesn't mend broken relationships, " according to Marina Kouzakova, PhD, Leiden University in the Netherlands.

Jonathan Vatner's Six Tips to Maintain the Distinction between Mimicry and Mockery

1. Allow a few seconds between the other person's movement and your own.
2. Don't mimic every action, and repeat words only occasionally.
3. Don't mimic exactly, if the other person scratches her nose, you might run you fingers through your hair.
4. Be the other person's mirror image: if she uses her left hand use your right hand.
5. Maintain natural eye contact. Don't scan the person's body for gestures. 
6. Imagine that you're speaking with a close friend. You may find that reflecting her movements and words will come naturally.