Thursday, 3 March 2011

Eye Contact


Eye Contact
I have been observing communication using eye contact at home work and socially. I feel that eye contact can signify interest, focus and aggression. It’s hard to imagine two small rounds orbs having that much influence. The old saying “the eyes are windows to the soul” shows how much importance we give eyes and the meaning their looks can convey. “Bedroom eyes, wild eyes, crazy eyes”, can tell important messages to the receiver of these looks.
At home I currently live with at husband and an adult daughter. I have observed that as a family, we look at each other in the eye briefly and check back every few seconds.  I have noticed over my daughter’s life that communication is easier if we are side-by-side driving, where we aren’t directly looking at each other. Our positions are equal and not me looking down. Direct eye contact held for more than a few seconds, can seem to be aggressive and intimidating.
My husband is quiet and eye contact is brief and sometimes difficult to maintain. He is easily distracted and tends to look away or around. I have felt in the past that he wasn’t interested by his lack of direct eye contact. I have realized over time, that he is processing what I am saying by looking away. I find it easier to communicate using the phone where I cannot see his distraction, and lack of eye contact.  I find it ironic that with a smartphone, where I can video call my family, we choose to text, or talk, where eye contact’s influence is diminished.
At work I find eye contact is influential in my position as a sales representative. Eye contact with my co-workers signifies interest, engagement and focus. Looking my dairy managers in the eye puts me on an equal footing.  Eye contact means I am listening to their problems and concerns and focused on them. One dairy manager is from India and finds it very uncomfortable to look me in the eye. He tends to look down or away. I am aware of this, and try not to look at him face on, but sideways. I try to not make him feel uncomfortable. I feel that this is a cultural gender issue and I respect his visual space.
Socially I noticed the use of eye contact in my weekly bridge game. Bridge is a competitive game with partners that are not supposed to communicate verbally, except using a bridge specific bidding language with their partners. In some high level competitions, bridge partners are separated by solid barriers, to prevent any kind of gesturing. I noticed that partners made eye contact by eye rolling, winking, eyes looking up or down. It’s a very natural and sometimes unconscious behavior, but can also be called cheating if we were a serious group.
Jennifer Meyers writes in “It’s Not What You Say , It’s How You Move” (Globe and Mail, January 14, 2011, p B13) that in business:”During conversation, try to maintain eye contact about 80% of the time, It’s okay to glance away occasionally, but if you constantly look elsewhere, others will think you are distracted or uninterested. If you’re uncomfortable looking into other people’s eyes look instead at the bridge of their nose. I think I need to pass this on to a couple of people I know.
Sandra

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